Vishakha :)

Crying over nothing !!

Have you ever found yourself crying for no reason at all? It’s such a strange feeling! I’ve been there too—tears just come out of nowhere, and it’s almost like a little release, isn’t it? I think it’s actually pretty normal. I sometimes feel the urge to cry even when everything seems just fine. After I’ve let it all out, I can’t help but feel a sense of relief! It’s been happening to me for a while, usually when I’m just sitting around. I cry pretty heavily, but it doesn’t come from a place of sadness or any strong emotions. And nope, it’s not about PMS; I can definitely tell when I’m having mood swings! Today, I decided to take a moment to think about it, and it felt good to acknowledge it. It’s all part of being human, right?

Marvellous March- A Full of Surprises ✨🙈

March has truly been a magical month for me—whatever I ask for, the universe delivers in the most unexpected yet perfect ways. After all the waiting, plot twists, and buffering, it finally decided to bless me . The wait was long, but every second was worth it! Universe keep ’em coming 💪🏻 I m on roll !!

March really knows how to keep my life interesting! Some emails hit different—let’s just say my inbox had a good day. Structured routines and future plans? Yeah, maybe something like that!

I knocked on every door, tried every path, and just when I was about to give up—boom! Opportunity shows up like an unexpected guest at my doorstep. Cute, right? I feel “whelmed” (not overwhelmed, not underwhelmed—just the perfect amount of whelmed). It may not be the grandest opportunity for everyone, but I know my plate’s size. You get what you’ve struggled for—no more, no less. After all, has anyone ever received more than they truly needed? Nope, and they never will!

Looks like my routine just got a little more organised! Not everyone will consider the biggest win for the world, but definitely a good one for me. Let’s say, my screen time now comes with a purpose !

I finally feel relieved and relaxed.

Things I hate about myself

Welcome to my imperfect world.
Today, I want to share something different—something I usually don’t talk about. You’ve read about my likes, interests, and personality in my previous blogs, but no one really knows what I dislike about myself. Whenever I reflect on who I am, I struggle to find the good in me. While most people focus on self-love and what they admire about themselves, I believe it’s equally important to acknowledge our flaws. After all, accepting our imperfections is a step toward self-growth

The thing I hate most about myself is that I’m clumsy. I keep stumbling, dropping things, and making a mess of the simplest tasks. Perfectionism and I? We’re sworn enemies. No matter how hard I try, I can never do anything flawlessly. If there were a degree in messing things up, I’d have a master’s by now!

Clumsiness runs through my veins. Take this, for example—whenever my parents aren’t home, they ask me to lock the house before heading to coaching on my scooter. So, I lock the door, walk to my scooter, and… realize I left my keys inside. Then I have to unlock the door again just to retrieve them. This has happened so many times that I’ve lost count!

There’s one incident that happened -I had been preparing for months to attend a close relative’s wedding—outfits planned, accessories sorted, and excitement through the roof. The day finally arrived, and as I packed my bags, I meticulously checked everything… or so I thought.

Fast forward to the journey—250 km away from home, vibing to wedding songs in the car, when suddenly, a horrifying realization hit me like a Bollywood plot twist. *I forgot my lehenga!* Yes, the very outfit I had spent weeks choosing, the one I was supposed to shine in. Panic set in. Going back wasn’t an option unless I wanted the wedding to turn into my personal road trip documentary. Thinking fast, I made a distress call—not to the police, but to the groom’s best friend. “Mission Lehenga Rescue” was launched, and thanks to him, my precious outfit made it to the venue just in time.
Lesson learned: No matter how well-prepared you think you are, always double-check *the most important thing*—or at least have a reliable backup (preferably in the form of a well-connected best friend).

The one thing I have a love-hate relationship with is my height. It’s *short*—very short. Now, don’t get me wrong, I truly believe in embracing yourself the way you are, and I do love myself. But let’s be honest—there’s a tiny (literally) part of me that wishes for a few extra inches.
I don’t want to be mistaken for a school kid when I’m clearly an adult. But hey, every cloud has a silver lining, right? The biggest perk? I always get to stand in the front—especially during dance performances. So, while I may not reach the top shelf, at least I get the spotlight!

One thing I absolutely hate about myself? My mood swings. I get irritated instantly—like a switch flipping from calm to chaos. If I’m stressed or if someone intentionally tries to annoy me, well… let’s just say, I don’t hold back. And trust me, I really don’t like people who test my patience. So what happened — it was a school trip . Me and my friends are sitting on the bus. And I was sleeping. Then one of my friends tried to irritate me. So I slapped one of them. If you know me so please don’t ever try to annoy me when I was sleeping. Otherwise, you’ll suffer the consequences.

I m horrible at sports. Like really bad. Don’t ever pick me for your team unless it’s dancing. I don’t know why I don’t like sports. When I was in school I had to participate in sports because I have no choice.

I’m an *expert-level* crier—no, seriously. And it’s not just about emotional movies (though, yes, I cry at those too). It’s *everything.* If I’m hurt, don’t expect me to explain calmly—I’ll be too busy tearing up. Yes, I might be a bit of a *drama queen*, but what can I say? I’m packed with emotions—especially the tear-filled ones. Even the most *normal* movie can have me sobbing like it’s the most tragic love story ever told. So, if you ever see me crying, don’t panic—it’s just my default setting!

The thing I hate most about myself is that I’m not confident. I can’t even express my emotions that much. I can’t assert my real feelings or words to others. I don’t know why? Am I afraid or what? I sometimes feel like whatever I’m doing is correct or not. That’s why I’m afraid to speak.

These are some reasons why I hate myself.

Till then Bye!

I’m signing off and happy reading

2024

This year has been challenging for me. I’ve often found myself disappointed in my own decisions and struggling to face my fears. At times, it felt like the universe wasn’t aligned in my favor. When I reflect on the year, from its beginning to its end, I see flashes of all the difficult moments, which only deepens my sadness. Even now, when I look at myself, I feel an emptiness—like there’s something missing that should be there.

I’m surrounded by wonderful people and have access to great resources, yet there’s still a void within me. Each morning, I wake up with the hope of starting fresh, ready to write a new chapter in my life, but I often find myself complicating things unnecessarily. This feeling is unfamiliar—I’ve never felt this way. I had this feel like disappearing as if you never existed. Even today when you ask me how I’m doing. I’m not sad or depressed; in fact, I’m genuinely happy, both outwardly and inwardly. But there’s a sense that I’m stagnant, as though I’m moving backward rather than forward.

Last year, I was different. I’m proud of the person I’ve become today—resilient, uninfluenced, and strong-willed. Yet, despite this strength, I feel like I’ve hit a pause, unable to find the momentum to move ahead.

SELF REALISATION

Today, when I reflect on myself, I feel an overwhelming sense of pride and happiness From the schoolgirl Vishu who was once naive, confused, an emotional fool dreamer, scared to express her thoughts and fragile to the 21-year-old version of Vish who is strong headed, stubborn, straightforward, who knows what she wants, full of self love and still sucks at making life decisions. The journey has been one of self growth, resilience, and self-discovery, and I embrace every step of it. While I may not be the nicest person to everyone, but to some, I will always be unwaveringly biased and supportive, no matter what.

Lets start from the start , I’ve always been surrounded by friends—I was never alone. You could say I was afraid of being left out, and, in some ways, I still am. As a child, relationships were simple; emotions didn’t complicate things. You played, laughed, and bonded effortlessly, and the more time you spent together, the closer you became.

Growing up, I considered someone very close to me. We had been friends since we were eight years old. I was always kind and generous to her, but she often treated me poorly. She would act differently in front of others at school—sometimes even insulted me. There were moments when she acted like my best friend, but other times, she didn’t want to see my face. This pattern went on for years.

Back then, I had no self-respect. I was easily manipulated and would do anything to maintain what I thought was ‘friendship.’ I believed that was how friendships were supposed to be.

But then, I met a friend who changed my perspective entirely. This friend stood up for me, never looked down on me, respected me, and always guided me in the right direction. That’s when I realized what real friendship looks like—mutual respect, kindness, and genuine care. Today, we’ve been friends for more than seven years and counting, and it feels good to have beautiful friendship that stayed.

That phase of my life eventually came to an end, and with it, I learned valuable lessons. I became more self-aware and embraced change. I started focusing on appreciating myself and prioritizing self-love. Some mistook this for self-obsession, but they simply dumb enough to understand the difference. Self-obsession carries a negative connotation—the belief that the world revolves around you. That’s never been my mindset. For me, self-love is about recognizing my worth and celebrating myself. I’ve realized I don’t need validation from anyone. If I can appreciate myself, that’s more than enough. They always taunts me by saying self obsessed individual . I’ll take it as a pleasure .

Despite everything, I’ve learned to stand up for myself. However, there’s one thing about myself I struggle with—when I care deeply about a bond, no matter how many times the person hurts me, I find myself holding on. The weight of the beautiful memories we’ve shared often outweighs the pain they’ve caused me. I focus on preserving the bond, overlooking the hurt, often minimizing the impact of their actions. It’s a part of me I’m still working on, learning to balance forgiveness with self-respect.

I’ve learned to embrace everything with pride, even the curses and criticisms others have thrown my way. One of the curses I’ve heard is, ‘You’ll lose all your relationships with this attitude.’ But frankly, I’m determined to hold onto this mindset. I’ll carry this attitude to new heights. Many tried to manipulate me into believing it’s my fault for being the way I am, but no more. I will no longer be easily manipulated or guilted into apologies unless I’ve truly made a mistake. I won’t hold back just to save a bond that isn’t genuine. I’ll make sure I’m not taken for granted, simply because I listen to my emotions I care deeply. I will prioritize myself more, choose myself first. It’s time to protect my peace and ensure that I’m valued for who I am, not for what I give.

The girl with the curls

–Vishakha Pakhale

The girl with the curly hair,
Always wonder about her shy flair
The dreams in her eyes are too much to glare
Little did she know how much she cared
Back then she didn’t have the desire to dare
She didn’t want the salty eyes of people to stare
Being the center of attention was a middling affair,
When she got out of the chaos and made people aware
Suddenly all eyes on her begin to care,
She feels like an open butterfly who can roam everywhere
With wings wide open and worries others to bear,
She finds solace in hectic, dizzy, and bizarre square
Though she didn’t make many bonds, the ones she did were quite rare
All the emotions came out in the prefaced blare
In the process of embracing her inner strength,
She grew bold and fierce, a combination rare
Her energy alone made people scared,
If she became fragile, they’d look down, unaware,
But the strength she brought up beyond compare
She might look rude to others, which is unfair
It took courage to climb those strong stairs from nowhere,
She met many halfwit chumps with dead-brained lairs
Who needed to be kept on welfare,
Despite all the circumstances, she grew secure and flair
Her beauty grew when she was in her hot debonair,
Even eyes were on her from everywhere
Leaving guys blushing and their composure laid bare.
She’s not a door-to-door, regular Clare
Nor she’ll drop you any favor. Be prepare!
Seeing her all the view turned into blurry fair
Which even made strangers whisper who dared,
She’s still in search of emotions rare
Will she ever find love in the air?
Yours, the girl with the curly hair.

The best of you in my mind

-By Vishakha Pakhale

In the fall of winter we started as friends
can’t believe today we have come to this end

You are the cold breeze of wind
And I’m the autumn spring

Under the shade of dark sky,
I’m always trying to figure out why,
who is this mysterious guy, whose secrets hidden,
making the time fly.

The silliness in me didn’t see how you held me so close , so tenderly

Through laughter and tears , we wandered free ,
not knowing your company was my remedy.

We roam around the city ,crafting memories like fine whiskey.

Throwing tantrums and irritating you was the favorite thing i do

Despite all the troubles i had You bring out the best in me that’s the matter of flex you have

I cried and you became my shoulder
You came into light when i least desired

Always jumping to the conclusion is what i do
Our fights make our bond deeper is that true

I never knew attachment, my heart was free to roam,
But then you came along, and hit the rock called home

We help each other to grow, maybe toxic, or may be wild
but surely making each other a better person in this process of flow

Like leaves that fall with the changing breeze,
I drift through life, unbound, at ease.

I can’t digest the fear of losing you
That’s why i always come back to you.

When we’re drifting apart, I wonder if we’ll stay friends now and then, or after all?

The hope i create suddenly shatters away
and the distance in between can’t bring us close, making us betray.

We’re lost in confusion, misunderstandings keep us apart,
And now, I can’t call you home, though it breaks my heart.

What happened to us, what’s pushing us away,
We used to be so close, now we’re drifting apart each day.

What’s keeping you stay so far away .

I miss each day of us, the laughter we shared ,
the hug we shared can’t be brought back to life ,
do you still don’t have that drive ?

Though we are not friends anymore
I still want to know your whereabouts
so that i can’t keep any fear or any doubts

I waited till the day when all hopes slipped away
and then realized our bond went into the ashtray

I always wanted the best for you and still do. Hope your dreams and desires always come true, my cherished kind.
That’s why I’m keeping the best of you in my mind.

” MY FIRST “

Hey, first, what I had with you,
is something running in my mind which you have no clue,

Blushing and butterflies carried away
it’s the flash when you call me bae

Shivering me standing in front of you,
You held me in your arms, for a moment, the sound of your heart gave me calm.

Holding hands suddenly feels like 90s love,
When we got together, did create some buzz.

Shine in my eyes looking at you mine,
feeling like all the hustle will be fine.

Dear evening sunshine walking down the path made me realise
the compromises in between made us wise.

I want to be childish , you want to be mature
both of us together can’t handle the chaos

Fire in the skies ,meeting our eyes and
were wondering where all the time flies

You held me first in the rain giving me chills
all the moment of us still giving us the thrills

The blanket of comfort is us what I told others
drowning my memories is where I lost my fears

Every time when I call you it feels the ocean comes closer to me
tired me asking you still, can you let it be .

Fed up of you and me , fed up of me and you
the ride of lies start, which of I had no clue

Those smiling eyes and squeezy cheeks
I haven’t seen in weeks.

Leaving you alone crying in the room,
all the memories shed in one gloom

Wilder wilder it grows the timespan of us
and here it ends the buzz….

STILL THE SAME BUT STILL NOT THE SAME!

Sometimes I feel what if I stayed in my hometown and never had come to Pune. Was this little change in me still gonna happen?

I wonder if you had encountered the same old Vishakha that she was in school, You would have met the different person that she is becoming now. She is silent yet sweet, she is ignorant yet kind, she is impulsive yet strong, and she is impatient yet calm. When I look back I feel I come out strong enough to handle my problems. Yes, I’m different with different people. Give different vibes to different people. That doesn’t mean I’m not honest. or double-faced. There are several characteristics I have that define me. I’ve been thinking lately about what has changed so far that I’m still the same but not the same.

Weird things happen, weird changes happen, mistakes happen, and new experiences happen, regrets happen, new accidents come with new learnings, new people, new best friends, new groups, new interesting stories, new dire scenarios, and fun adventures Now I don’t cry over the pressure of studies I cry over the bad phase I faced. Now my life has been fun, calm, peaceful, and filled with lightness. I had my own story. My upbringing and experiences in life have shaped me and made me who I am today. I feel these stories I have to tell will inform people of who I am and what shapes me. But one thing about me I’ll appreciate is, I always consider myself above all. Yes, I will always be the main character of my life.

Although you can say I didn’t know anything till now. I didn’t have experience much. I m saying that honestly that I haven’t seen much in life. Whatever it is I’m enjoying it. I find fun in every aspect. At the end of the day, I want to sleep with a smile on my face. And that’s how I want to be. I’ve yet to experience it. Whatever I have come across so far I came to learn that I’m independent and can speak for myself. Yes, adulting is necessary !! Period:)

People who are with you contribute a lot to bring a change in yourself. I appreciate those who I have across whether positive influence or negative. I don’t regret what I’m now. How things shaped me. All I can say is that I’m a fun loving person to be around with. I feel so fortunate when I look up to the people near me and appreciate that I’m not like them. I stand out as a different personality and I don’t want to become like them.

I’m soft-hearted, creative, funny, kind, impatient, and get hyper over small things, loud, and still have clarity and sorted but sometimes a bitch. If any other I’m missing please include that. These characters build a new personality in me. There are some situations where I can’t say no even if I don’t want to. Sometimes saying no is ok for you not always tho.

THOUGHTS OF A OVERTHINKER

I know for the past few months I went offline and have not written anything. Actually after my last post i.e. https://vishblog.art.blog/romcoms-ruined-me/ I had barely anything in my mind, I m not doing anything at that time. After that my semester was over. A lot of things happened I don’t know how to sum up all those things because there is something but there is also nothing. So Here’s the month dump – Left hometown, shifted to a new place with my family, found a cute cat named her Kuku, the new semester started, had to go to Pune, night outs, clubs, all amazing fun I had, came back home, finally had Ghar ka khana, had to go back to Pune, my birthday, khadakwasla, Lonavala, exams, missing home🥺 STOP!! :))))) I had fun!

It was a whole roller coaster ride about how my last few months went. There was a little shed of tears, also an incredible joy of happiness, and also been into a thrilling ride of emotions.

After coming to Pune, I started to overthink a lot, a lot. When I m obsessing about something, I know I m overthinking. when I play out ten dire scenarios and tune out my friends and friends I m overthinking, when I overthink, I over plan, I over-stuff my life. Sometimes I think that Being an overthinker made me fall in love with myself. For me sometimes it is good to overthink only when it is ”not getting negative”. Overthinking takes me to another level of imagination, it is a whole new world. The way I start imagining things the deeper I get into it. It neither increased my expectations nor left a negative impact on my life. It simply makes me the main character of my movie. Yes, we can’t say it’s overthinking its called daydreaming perfectly.

I read articles about how to stop Daydreaming/overthinking. My question is why it should stop when it is giving you happiness. It’s not like I never get into negative thoughts I do get negative thoughts and expectations from the never-ending dreams. All this stuffs happened to but I came back to reality somehow and also I never expected anything in any of my dreams. It’s a lie I expect! Overflowing of emotions also leads to overthinking/ daydreaming and sometimes it occurs in negative emotions. To be honest, we are all Overthinking or Day Dreaming and we also know that We all have our world, our own space we need to live to that. This all should be done to a limited extent where it should not damage you. or your personality. It should not Overlap your thoughts on your personality.

After coming to Pune I feel I m more changed, more concentrating on myself, moving evolved, and what’s happening around me. feel more mature than I have ever been. I m trying out new things but all within limits. Make sure not to cross all the boundaries. I want to live to the fullest. I m a filmy person. The person who is close to me knows that I’ll live in fantasies. My dreams, imagination, and nightmares everything make me a different person.

I daydreamed because I can’t live those scenarios in my real life so why not live those in your mind? The ultimate goal is your happiness. Being with yourself, and embracing yourself doesn’t mean you’re alone. I love spending time with myself. Even most of the time I feel uncomfortable when I meet new people or to be them. I like to be surrounded by those who I m comfortable with.

Signing off :))))